This mechanic revolves around committing a Crime, and no, that doesnt require you to do anything illegal
The idea is to slow your opponents down until you can play something like Blightsteel Colossus or Darksteel Colossus
The original design was intentionally caricatured
Id advise you to calm down. T'Challa, the Black Panther Illustrated by Domenico Cava Standard Legal Alchemy Legal Pioneer Legal Historic Legal Modern Legal Brawl Legal Legacy Legal Comp
Results of previous die rolls, whether they're from previous resolutions of Luck Bobblehead's last ability or from other effects that instruct you to roll dice, don't matter for the purposes of this effect
So, while not as much of a slam-dunk as Sword of the Animist, Bitterthorn is still very good, especially in builds that play Sword of the Animist for ramp rather than as an equipment in their suite